I'm Just Not That Into You.....Babies

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I'm not a fan of the baby stage.  Like anything 0-12 months.

Before I had a baby of my own, I despised babies. (I still kinda do).

Someone would hand me a baby to hold and I'd put my arms out like a zombie.  As if I was about to hold the most vile creature in the world.  I would sweat. I wanted to puke.

When I had my first baby, I was fine for about 2 weeks.  No visceral reaction to her babyness.  I meannnn, I was high on new mommy adrenaline, oxytocin and straight up fear.

Then the family visits stopped.  My husband went back to work.  And so, reality kicked in.

My hormones (you know those happy, adrenaline new mom hormones?) tanked.  Diaper changes ad nauseum.  I'm a milk machine (who doesn't even produce enough milk to feed this child).  Formula stinks like dog food.  The laundry full of soiled onesies is at least a mile long.  The baby cries and sometimes I have no idea why.  I'm bored.  I'm trapped.  I'm fucking exhausted.

So on and so forth.

I've always been insanely jealous of the moms that say they fell in love with their babies the moment they laid eyes on them.  And it seems like this romantic love between a mother and her baby is what is splashed on every billboard, TV commercial and parenting book.

I've always wondered how that's possible?  Like, I'm gonna need a little personality from ya before I love ya.  This apparently, in my life, applies to all human beings.  I'm an equal opportunity cold-hearted bitch.

Here's the truth though! I wasn't smitten with my baby!  But.............

Wait..........wait.......wait for it.  Here's the obligatory, "Yes, I love my daughter and wouldn't change it for the world."

There, you happy?  I'm not completely screwed up.

During the time that I was supposed to be falling in love with my baby - I just wasn't.

I kept thinking, what the hell is wrong with me?

I mean, for real, I was exxxhhauuussstteeed.  Like more tired than I've ever been before.  More tired than being hung over and pulling 3 all-nighters in college during exam week. And for some reason no veteran moms tell you this.  It's like they're not trying to scare the living shit out of you by telling you that you'll be so tired, that you'll put your contact lense on your nipple thinking it's a nipple shield, or that you'll brush your teeth with a pen because of extreme sleep deprivation.

On top of being tired, I was literally, and utterly bored.  I have dubbed this constant state of boredom - the "Ennui" of Motherhood.  I mean how many mind numbing things can I do while caring for a baby? Breastfeeding. Check. Diaper Changes. Check. Endless Laundry. Check. Daytime TV. Check.

Maybe some of you can relate?

Here are the reasons, I'm Just Not That Into Babies:

1. Breastfeeding. Leaky nipples, chaffed nipples, engorged boobs, blocked ducts, need I go on?

2. Projectile poop.  That shit can shoot clear across a room. No one prepared me for that.

3. They don't sleep.  Or if they do sleep - they sleep when you don't want them to.  My daughter would take these awesome 5 hour naps in the afternoon and then not sleep for more than 2 hours at night.  When I tried to fix her day/night confusion it only made things worse - because then she didn't sleep at all.

4. They're fragile.  I was constantly worried I would break my daughter's bones just by holding her the "wrong" way.  Or that I'd accidentally cause her to suffocate if I swaddled her the wrong way.

5. They don't communicate like the rest of us. They can't. It's a guessing game.  So with every cry you have to investigate, and possibly try like 5 different things (diaper change? Bottle? Swaddle? Tummy time? Swing?) before you figure out what your baby is telling you.

6. They're funny or cute for like 2 seconds, and then they are either hungry, poopy, too cold, too hot, tired, WHATEVER BABIES ARE for like the whole rest of the day.  Funny and cute are sometimes way too far and few between.

7. Most babies look like aliens.  Mine did.

8. Babies cry in restaurants.  And it's annoying, embarrassing and frustrating.  Not even worth an IHOP tab.  I'll eat a bowl of Cheerios at home before I bring a baby to a restaurant.  Side note- babies cry on planes too.  Which sucks for everyone on that plane, but I gauran-fuckin'-teeeee that it sucks more for the parent of that child. I've been on both sides, thank you very much.

9. Baby car seats are in fact, rocket science.  They're hard to install, move and strap.  And after you do figure it all out, and the baby is in it, - he or she is probably screaming bloody murder.  Because babies don't like car seats.

10. Everyone tries to touch babies.  Which means, everyone tries to talk to you...the parent.  At the mall, at the grocery store, pumping gas, in a public restroom.  Duuuuudddeee, I don't like people.
I especially don't like random strangers coming up to me and saying to my kid, "OOoohhhhhh, mmmeeyyyy gooossshhh, aren't you a cutie patootey, little bbbabbbbbyyyy, yes you are..muah muah muah.  Wook at those wittle toesie woesies."  Ugh.

Are you a "baby person"? What phase do you like? What phase do you hate?

Leave your answers in the comments section, or Facebook me or Tweet me!

Kids Overruled by Rules

Tuesday, January 13, 2015


7:21AM: Helping kids brush their teeth and dressed for school.

7:40AM: Scrubbing my own night-makeup-caked face with a handful of Oil of Olay while kids play in their rooms.

7:50AM: Brush the fuck out of my teeth - cuz I forgot  was too tired to do last night.

8:00 AM: Me and my girls go downstairs to eat breakfast. One child wants Cheerios, the other wants peanut butter on toast.  I pour the Cheerios in the bowl and the milk. Serve to younger child. I go to put the toast in the toaster - when I abruptly stop.  I smell something rancid.  Like rotten eggs.  I whip around to look at my stove. Sure enough, a knob is turned "ON" without a flame.  It's been like that all night.  We could explode at any minute!!!! I think to myself.

8:02 AM: Panic has set in. I call the gas emergency line that I googled.  The woman on the phone tells me this is a dangerous situation and I need to listen to her carefully.  Her instructions: Don't turn another thing ON or OFF in the house. Lights, electric heat, toaster, cell phone, nada.  Open every door and window. Leave the house as soon as possible - and stay gone for one and a half hours.

8:04 AM: As I'm running through the house opening every window - I tell my kids to move their asses, like this, "Listen to mommy, hurry upstairs, run, get your socks, lets get your shoes on, and your school bags, we gotta get out of here. And fast.”

Older child says in response, "BUT WE”RE NOT SUPPOSED to run up the stairs!!!!!”

I almost lost my shit.

8:05AM   Well, for real, I lost my shit.  I started screaming, “Do everything I say right this minute!!!You need to run NOW!!”

This story has two morals.  Don't leave your gas stove on overnight (I blame my husband for this one - after all, he cooked the Kraft Mac N Cheese the night before said possible explosion).  And teach your kids that breaking rules is okay - especially in emergency situations.

I'll pause here and tell you - we got out fine.  I made the kids wait across the street as I clicked the garage door opener - acting like it was a grenade.  What did I know ?? I was terrified that the garage door turning on - would blow up my house.

The real reason I write this - is because of my kid's reaction to me telling her to FUCK THE RULES - RUN UPSTAIRS.  It's like she couldn't process it.  Wait, mom is telling me to run up the stairs? But, we never are allowed to run upstairs!

I was horrified.  My kids have been so programmed by rules, that they couldn't instinctively or intuitively think - okay, this is a time I need to break the rules.  It's an emergency.  They couldn't discern between the appropriate time to follow the rules, and the appropriate time to break them.

There are so many rules today - Playground Rules, Road Rules, Class Rules, House Rules, Official Rules, Rules of Engagement (isn't that a show or something?), Georgia Rule (with slutty Lindsay Lohan), rules of thumb, rules, rules, rules.

Anyway, it's constant do this, don't do this, you can, you can't, 

Is it school to blame – and all their rules? Is it organized sports? Organized religion? Organized everything? 

I’m pretty sure it’s society, and our over emphasis on rules.  (Yes, here I go blaming society again).

We have rules in our house like everyone else.  Rules are in place to keep everyone safe.  Even kids raised by wolves have rules.  A few examples of rules we have in our house:

1. Don't run up or down the stairs.

2. Don't close your bedroom door.

3. Don't hit your sister.

And truthfully, that's about it.  I don't have a whole lotta rules in my house.  It's a loose law land here. If I had more rules maybe my kids would pick up their toys more, or put away their dirty dishes, who knows.  But, I'm a person that thinks everything (including rules) are open to interpretation and should be edited based on a case by case situation.

And I think people can be "over-ruled".  Too many rules for kids can have some really negative effects.  An overly obedient kid ain't cute.

Kids that follow rules to a "T" often seek to please way too much.  And let me tell ya, raising girls, that's about the last thing I want to do - is teach them to be constant people pleasers.

Rule-obsessed kids tend not to be independent.  They may feel like exploring the world (unsupervised) may be wrong, or feel overwhelming.  This leads to insecurity.

Over the top obedient kids can't express well.  Most toddlers and kids are learning how to express themselves (and think it's fun).  But an 'overruled' child may not be able to express a damn thing, because they're too busy wondering if what they're expressing is okay with their teachers, their coaches and their parents.

The fact that my kids couldn't think for themselves and decide in an emergency situation that rules need to be broken – was eye opening.

From that moment on, I made it my mission to constantly give them examples of when rules can be bent and broken.  I want them to question it all.

So I came up with a few this week:

Don’t run up or down the stairs.  Unless there is a fire or a stranger trying to attack you  - then you run up and down the stairs fifty fucking times if you have to – you run out the muther-freakin’ door if you have to.

Don’t take your car seat belt off.  Unless we’re in a car accident, and there is a fire in the car and we need to get out fast.

Don’t hit. Unless some asshole kid or adult is for whatever reason hitting you – then yes, you hit, kick, punch, the fuck out of them back. Fight for your life.

Be polite. Unless someone is hurting your feelings, then it is entirely okay to walk ‘rudely’ away. (Or give them a tongue thrashing).

Don’t talk when someone else is talking.  Unless you’re talking over them to tell them that they have an enormous black widow spider crawling on their shoulder. Or, if you’re about to shit your pants.

Eat all of your meal.  Unless your belly is in pain, you feel sick and you're about to throw up.  Then don’t eat a fucking thing!

Wash your hands when you’re done using the bathroom.  Unless the bathroom sink is so covered in filth that you could catch malaria by touching the disgusting faucet and sink. Then wait for hand sanitizer or something.

What rules in your house could be broken?

How to do Divorce Better (and not completely fuck up your child)

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

I'm a product of divorce. I don't fully understand what divorce did to me, my psyche and my personality (if it did anything impactful).  I hardly doubt Bravo's Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce will help me dissect the details of my parent's divorce on any such relatable level.

However, I do know a thing or two about how my parents, and hundreds of others could've done it better.

In researching for this post, I've been unable to seek out actual, hard divorce statistics.  And so have many other writers who have gone down this path.  No one is really tracking this stuff.  Furthermore, no one is statistically tracking the children in divorce - the numbers, the possible mental illnesses, jail time, suicide rates (this is assuming divorce severely and negatively effects children - for this, I'd say it depends on so many factors - age of children at time of divorce, reason for divorce, co-parenting skills, etc.)

I mean, if children are in an abusive home, and the abused person files for divorce and gets their children out of harms way, I'm sure divorce is a blessing.  Confusing still for the children for so many reasons, but yes, a relief.  Maybe even a life-saver.

So, for the sake of argument, let's assume we're dealing with a non-abusive marriage.  And subsequent divorce.  And let's be real, all children involved in a divorce will suffer in one way or another at varying degrees.  Here's how you can do it better, and lessen the emotional blow.  However that emotional blow manifests itself in a child.

1. Get over your fucking tears and hurt and put on a happy face....for your kids.  Break down to your family, friends and therapist PRIVATELY all day long - but don't have those sobbing events in front of your kids. I'm not saying to fake emotional strength - crying in front of children is good - they'll learn that they can cry too.  But those really loud, snot-blasting, can't-catch-your-breath- sobs: save it for solitude...in your sound proof coat closet.

2. Learn how to co-parent.  You may hate the other person's fucking guts and want them dead, but both parents need to giddy-up, and assume their roles as a united front.  A united front with both parents giving the kids consistent messages. Which truthfully, being a united front is good whether you're married or divorced.  But, being a parent alliance is of utmost importance when you're going through a divorce - because chances are - your kid's world is crumbling right before their eyes.  They need consistency.  They need strong co-parents.

3. Don't you dare talk shit about the other parent in front of your child.  Children idolize their parents - they love their parents unconditionally.  However, when one parent bad-mouths the other parent it creates an even more confusing and toxic experience for the child.  It's a sick, mind-fucking thing to do.  It screws up that child's confidence - suddenly they're questionning everything they've ever known and aren't sure about a damn thing all because mommy said daddy is a piece of shit who won't pay child support, or won't stop seeing his new girlfriend - whatever.  Your kids cannot process adult situations like an adult (some adults can't process adult situations either), but do your best to bite your tongue and keep that temper in check.  You may be fuming that he fucked your friend, or that she nailed the newbie at work, but keep that shit to yourself, or let it go with some cocktails WITH YOUR ADULT FRIENDS.

4. Don't use your kids as leverage or as a threat to the other parent.  That's low down and dirty.  That's putting them in the middle of a very volatile situation.  You and your ex made the mess - so don't play monkey in the middle with your kids.  Use an expensive leather couch, diamond earrings, a house in the Caribbean, a toaster, but kids are OFF LIMITS.

5. Get a custody agreement (a detailed one) in place as fast as possible.  Don't let ambiguity be your guide.  Get every single detail, pick ups, drop offs, school vacations, whatever... hashed out immediately.  No grey areas, everyone knows and understands the plan = less confusion and instability for kids.

6. Attend family gatherings.  That's right - this is back to the 'ol united front business.  There are going to be graduations, recitals, soccer games, birthdays etc. that outside family members and both parents will want to attend.  Do not disengage.  Instead, show your kid that you're a mature human being. You can all be together, if everyone acts gracefully and tactfully.

7. Talk to your child about the divorce.  But, put the details on their level and choose your words wisely (maybe you outta practice in front of the mirror a few times)??  If not, therapy.  I despise therapy as an adult - but I've heard it helps millions of people.  And, I had it when my parents divorced - which was nice, because it felt like a safe place to vent. So, get your kids talking to someone, anyone.

8. Don't discourage your child from talking about the other parent (in negative or positive ways).  Just let them talk.  Gawd forbid you hear your ex's name exit your child's mouth.  It's okay killa.

9. Make sure family members and friends outside of the immediate sphere know the deal.  Everyone who will be interacting with your child needs to be briefed on the situation - and given pointers on do's and don'ts with your child.  Family members will be no doubt talking about you and the divorce anyways (because people are gossiping assholes) - but they all need to hear it from the horse's mouth, including any and all visitation arrangements.

10. Eventually move on.  Sooner than later.  Don't let the hurt consume your years.  It does more damage to yourself and to your kids.  Do you want your son or daughter to see you as this miserable, damaged angry man or woman?  By all means, grieve a bit, get mad, but then get back to being the best person and parent you can be - without emotional baggage.  And if that means you need to go see a shrinky-dink - then do it.

If you think this would help someone going through a divorce, by all means forward it on.  This isn't professional advice, it's personal experience advice.  Also, make comments below, or on my Facebook page - or TWEEEETT ME.

12 Things That Should be on my 2015 New Year's Resolutions List, But Aren't

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions.  I actually despise them.  I think you can make a resolution any time of the year.  And I think the time NOT to do it is New Year's because it's too cliche and it sets you up for failure with all of this "new year, new you" pressure bullshit.

Truth be told, we can all better ourselves.  Every damn day we can do a little something to make our bodies healthier, our minds smarter, our bonds stronger, our souls deeper.

Also, how motivating is it to make a resolution to better yourself in the dead of winter?  Why not spring? The metaphor is there.  Spring is new beginnings, things are growing, it's warm, it's approaching bathing suit season.  How can I lose weight starting New Year's Day when it's fucking freezing outside (so, no thanks on that run)? Or start a diet?  The produce in season during winter months are dates and brussels sprouts!! Who wants to diet with those produce options?!  How could I quit smoking in the dead of winter - when there's a short supply of Vitamin D?  It seems cruel to have New Year's in the winter.  I'd like New Year's for the whole world to be moved to Spring.

That was a tangent, tell all your friends #NewYearsSpring2016.

Moving on..

Here's what should be on my New Year's Resolutions List, but isn't:

1. Stop smoking. For real. Not really. I smoke a couple of times a week.  I know smoking is horrible. So just leave me alone in my heinous habit.

2. Stop drinking so much.  Like maybe twice a week. And cap it at 2 glasses dammit. But, the buzz is so much better at 3 glasses.

3. Start cleaning my bathrooms once a week.  Wiping down with disinfectant wipes whenever I think of it, doesn't count.  But those wipes DO kill germs, and who has time for all of this cleaning bullshit?

4. Volunteer more.  Work more.  Get ready to think I'm the biggest selfish bitch.  Women are constantly nurturing.  We are constantly the ones (majority) that volunteer our time to causes.  We feel so obligated to do free work all of the time, that we don't focus enough on getting paid for our time.  I will volunteer when the time is right.  I understand it's an invaluable experience.  I've volunteered for causes in the past. But, right now, I just don't have time, and I can't beat myself up over it.

5. Start trying to make friends in the suburbs.  I can't. I don't like them.  **Except my little German and Brazilian clique of moms.  You know who you are.  You are my sanity in Suburbia.

6. Start playing more with my kids.  I'm unsure of what the right amount of quality time with your kids is.  I mean, is it a few hours a week?  An hour or two a day?  I don't know.  I can't possibly play with them every time they ask - or nothing would get done.  I'm tabling this one until 2016, or until I see some other parent do it better than me.

7. Stop looking at my iPhone fifty-thousand times a day. It's my new found love.  And judge how you'd like, but smart phones and social media has changed my professional and personal life for the better.  Things are always moving fast on social media, and I gotta keep up at all times.  The one exception - dinner with my husband.  He has requested I not pick up my phone, not even to glance at - to which I will oblige.

8. Start washing my face EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.  I aim for 4 nights out of 7. You mean to tell me that $70 wrinkle cream doesn't work at all if I skip a couple of nights?! That's horse shit.

9. Start drinking more water. I can't.  I wish I could.  But, I pee once an hour already. That doesn't even count the times I have to go to the bathroom to poop.  I simply can't be in the john for any more hours a day.

10. Stop canceling plans so much.  This would seem like a good resolution - like stop being late or something.  But, I gotta tell ya - every time I make plans that I don't really want to do, that I'm not 100% feeling good about - I have a horrible time and end up regretting saying 'yes' in the first place.  I'll regret taking precious time away from my kids to do some shit I don't want to do, I'll regret the time I lost from other things I should be doing like working, laundry or sleeping, or .... lets be honest ... sitting on my ass watching marathons of "Scandal" on Netflix. I'll regret turning my good mood, into a bad mood. Ugh, I always say 'yes' in the beginning because it sounds okay initially, or I'm just trying to be polite.

11. Save money.  My sister is getting married this year....a destination wedding. We'll save the 'saving' for another year.

12. Enjoy life more. I have a 3 and 4-year old. I'm pretty sure there's like some sort of enjoyment cap on life when you have two young kids. It's called obliteration of self folks, so I imagine the real fun (like the carefree kind), comes later.

What should be on your 2015 New Year's Resolutions list, but isn't? Leave in my comments section, facebook me, or tweet me!

What a Mom of 3 and 4-Year Old Girls Learned this Christmas

Thursday, December 25, 2014

*Milk and Cookies = wine, vodka, marijuana, Xanax.

As my kids get older, I learn new lessons with them every year.  This year, was no exception.

Here it is:

1. The Elf on the Shelf is an asshole.  I gave that motherfucker a hell of a send off.  We might not be able to find that son of bitch next year.

2. Santa gets all the glory, while I slave away.  I bought all the gifts, I did the late night toy runs, I wrapped the shit, and then I had to write FROM: SANTA on the presents. This is bullshit.

3. You can't get everything on your kids' lists.  Because apparently, these are running lists.  The actual Christmas lists they wrote out, and sent to Santa were just first drafts.  In the last weeks leading up to Christmas I heard toy revisions, edits and add-ons.  It was too much to keep up with.

4. Set up all toys that need assembling, before the kids wake up.  There's nothing that will produce a let down face like a big cardboard box with a supposedly really cool present inside.

5. This is related to #4. Drink while assembling toys.  It helps.

6. The Santa stories get bigger.  As in, the main Santa story and the magic of Christmas, reindeer and elves gets more elaborate, the more questions my kid asks.  ie...it started as....

Me: "Santa brings presents from the North Pole to your house." Boom. Done. No frills, just the facts.

But, the story morphed into....

4-Year Old: "But, we're not going to be at our house this year, we're going to Nonna's house in New York.  How will Santa find us?!"

Me: (*eye roll, takes deep breath).

"Well honey, Santa installed a microchip in every single child in the universe, and GPS tracks them on Christmas Eve, then proceeds to pull your presents from his black hole of a bag on his flying sleigh - that's powered by a 'rein'deer with a glowing red nose. He then makes himself magically skinny to fit down a chimney.  And if there is no chimney he figures out a way to get in the house. Maybe he makes a magic chimney.  Then he leaves all of the presents under the tree...gets exponentially fatter by eating a shitload of cookies, and somehow gets his 5-inch-fatter waist back up the chimney. Then, repeat."

4-Year Old: "Oh."

7. Your kids will open really cool presents from family members who will be glaring at them for a smile, or an enthusiastic gasp - but your kid will be an ungrateful asshole, and toss the toy aside in front of said family member and scream, "Next!"  I'll then be forced to make some polite comment to ease their pain.

8. Your kids will eat stuff you have no control of on Christmas.  They hated everything on the Christmas menu, Ham. NO. Salad. NO. Broccoli Casserole. NO.  The only thing they ate were sugar cookies, and more sugar cookies, and more candy and more chocolate.

9. Even though your kids will be getting grabbed, hugged and kissed by every family member and friend - you won't have time to bathe their germy asses til New Year.

10. No matter how much you want them to, your kids won't think the 'old' Christmas movies, like "A Christmas Story" is cool.  You will be the only one with the warm, fuzzy feeling watching that movie while your kids will be wondering when the longest movie in history will be over.

11. You can't make a kid who is terrified of Santa Claus, like Santa Claus.  Just pray Mrs. Claus is there to take the pressure off.

12.. Even if you 'evened' out the Christmas gifts, and doled them out 'fairly' among your children.  They will each hate you - and think that Santa jipped them and that one child got more than the other child.  Or that the other sibling got better gifts.

What did you learn with your kids this year?  Leave in comments section, or Facebook me or Tweet me!

All Missguided Mama Wants for Christmas

Sunday, December 21, 2014

My favorite Christmas song of all time is Mariah Carey's, "All I Want for Christmas" with the Roots on the Jimmy Fallon show. If you've never seen this video, watch it, it's awesome.

Feeling inspired, I thought I should have a song of my own.

All Missguided Mama Wants for Christmas

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want to be alone,
to go pee in silence, or talk on the phone.
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is Vodka too, vodka, make it two

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree

I don't need fancy jewelry
There, dangling in front of my face
Sitting on Santa's lap probably would make me happy
What a cheap joy on Christmas day.

I just want to be alone
to think a thought, or maybe get in a moan (hint, hint hubby)
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is a puff too, puff, make it two

Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for dough
And I'm just gonna keep on waiting
For my own talk show

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole, for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
see if he has a big dick

Cause I just want some silence tonight
Try to hold me, and I'll bite
What more can I do?
Baby all I want for Christmas is a shoe, or two, Baby.

Oh, all the lights are shining,
So brightly it's blinding,
And the sound of children's
laughter is so annoying.

And everyone is singing,
my head, with a hangover is still ringing,
Santa, won't you bring me the one thing I really need?
Won't you please bring silence to me?

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas,
This is all I'm asking for,
I just want to see my kids,
being babysat, and out the door.

Oh, I just want to be alone,
More than you could ever know
Baby all I want for Christmas,
Is away from this zoo, this zoo.

All I want for Christmas is out of this zoo, baby.
All I want for Christmas is out of this zoo, baby.
All I want for Christmas is out of this zoo, baby.
All I want for Christmas is out of this zoo, baby.

Get Out the Big Guns - YOUR OWN DAMN VOICE

Friday, December 19, 2014

I hate guns.

I feel powerless against them, and too powerful armed with them.  I don't think my experience is unique.  I've been on both sides of a gun.  One side -me shooting rounds with my family out in the sticks - just hitting cans.

And the other side, being involved in a violent situation in close quarters, where a gun was used to shoot someone right in front of my face.

I don't care if you think I'm dramatic - or morbid, or even paranoid.  But, there isn't a week that goes by, when I drop my kids off at school that I don't have a hard time letting go.  Where I don't think, it could be them.  Their school could be the next.  

There's not a time that goes by when I see my kid's school phone number pop up on my cell phone screen, that I don't think this could be the robo call that I've never wanted to get.  The robo call that tells me my kids are in the school, helpless, against a madman with a gun.

Let's just get my opinions on who and who should not own guns out there in the open.

I don't think for a fucking second, that anyone besides law enforcement, military and certain government agencies should have them in their personal possession.  I know, a tough opinion to have given the news in recent months about Michael Brown being shot dead in Ferguson.  Everyone is wondering, and questionning if law enforcement has our best interests.  If they can really be trusted to serve the public.  If they really are keeping us safe.  Them, their badge, and their guns.

I get it.

But I can't ignore, that guns too often get into the hands of complete fucking psychos, resulting in mass murders.

Just this week alone - the Sydney Siege -where an extremist, and mentally unstable gunman, Man Haron Monis held several people hostage at a cafe, 2 of which died.  And the horrific murders of 132 school children and nine staff members at a school in Peshawar.  

Two years ago, at Sandy Hook Elementary, 20 children and six adults were shot and killed by the very mentally unstable Adam Lanza.  A mentally unstable man that had not been undergoing treatment for his very well-documented mental issues.

The whole country should be figuratively and meaningfully, cradling the bodies of these sweet children in our arms, and demand change.

Close your eyes.

Imagine one of these child victims in your arms.

Can you feel them in your arms?  Their warm, small bodies. Their sweet faces.  Their small hands holding your hand, or their arms wrapped your neck.

You are holding them as they slip away.  

They slip away from their loved ones - at the hands of an asshole madman, with no soul.  They slip away from us- as a community, as a country, in our memories as absolutely nothing is done to prevent such horrific violence again.

Don't let the memories of...the Colorado movie theatre shooting, the Virginia Tech Shootings, Fort Hood Shootings, Binghamton, NY shootings, Columbine.....slip from your memory.

I could go on.....

We can't stand for this.

In the midst of all of this heinous violence, could no major legislation be introduced to get guns under the fuck control?

Semi-automatic, high-capacity magazines, military style weapons should be banned for personal use. Despite wide, public support, the legislation was "shot down", pun intended in 2013.

Expanded background checks for gun owners, never happened.

Can't we all just hand in our guns and call a truce?  Why does anyone need a gun inside their home?  Why does anyone, who has no affiliation to law enforcement need to carry a gun?

Because it's right?  A born right?  That's disgusting.  You aren't born with the ability to shoot.  You aren't born with a gun attached to some imaginary baby holster. You're born with the ability to walk, talk, breath, eat, feel, etc.  When I think of born rights - I think of the right to clean air, the right of free speech, the right of religious practices, etc.  Not to a gun.  That's sick!

Even the label, "Gun Enthusiast" makes my skin crawl.  How can you be excited about guns?!  You have to be a sick individual to think that guns are exciting and fun.  You are killing something with that gun - be it an animal or a fellow human being.  And then add the fact that you're excited about it??

If you are just as disgusted as I am, and want to make a difference for yourself, your neighbors, your community and the children in your lives, I demand that you stand for it.  Stand for something dammit.  Don't be a bunch of sheep.  I dare you to take time to make your opinions known to your local legislators.  We cannot forget these mass shootings, until the next one.  There shouldn't be a next one to keep this conversation going.  

If you want to take the first step, sign up with Sandy Hook Promise.  It's a good way to stay connected to those parents who are living through the horrific shootings, every day.  They keep people on their email lists informed on how to help, and about current legislation and how we can ban together to push for better gun control laws.  

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