The new "Uber for kids" app gets a resounding, Hell No.

Thursday, October 30, 2014



But, I say, this is genius.

What? Like you've never had a scheduling conflict before with your kid's various activities?

The new app called, Shuddle, is designed to pick up your child and bring them to their extra-curricular activities when you can't.  Or when, gawd forbid, you just want a damn break from being a chauffeur.

Many parents on social media have been asked if they'd use Shuddle and there's been a resounding, "Hell no." And "Absolutely not."

Here's a quick rundown of how the app works.  You call the company and schedule the ride.  Parents use their credit cards to pay for the service (so your kid isn't walking around with a wad of cash), and they give you a secret passcode to use when the driver arrives.  Only the driver, you and the child knows the passcode - to ensure the driver is legit.  You can GPS track the ride on your phone in real-time.

The drivers go through background checks, They go through face-to-face interviews.  And they have to present two employment references.  Their vehicles also have to meet Shuddle's standards: no more than 10 years old, inspections up to date, insurance, etc.

The company only hires women, who have children, or who have worked with children before.  And the drivers go through Shuddle training.

You could compare the service to a school bus - minus, the 20 other children distracting the driver.

You could say it's safer than putting your kid on public transportation - where several random adults are interacting with your child.

It'd be safer than relying on a "carpool club", where several parents of children in the same activity share the responsibilities of driving the kids to practice.  a.) I bet you didn't ask the other parents for their driving records - you're just trusting them b.) it's un-reliable - if little 'Mary' gets sick, and her mom is on carpool duty that week, you think that mom is gonna go around picking up all the little brats for gymnastics practice? No, she'll be home tending to her sick kid, and you're kid will be fucked out of gymnastics.

And lastly, Shuddle might even be safer than you driving your own damn kids! Let me explain before you think I'm crazy.  How safe do you think you are really driving when you are rushing like a mad person, speeding, running red lights, all in the name of getting this one to soccer practice on time? And the other one to tutoring? And the other one to dance? (gawd save the parents with 3 + children) It's not safe at all.  Throw in a screaming baby in the backseat of your mini van and you're fucked!

My personal note to parents with 3 or more kids - I don't know how you do it.  If I see you out at a bar or restaurant some day - have a drink on me please.

So what's so bad about this app?  It seems like a better option than all of the above.  It seems to have the proper safety features, the right insurance, and the right idea.

Or maybe, just maybe this speaks volumes about what's going on in our society and our children.  The fact that this app was even created.  Maybe our kids are over-involved?  Maybe they don't need to be in so many damn things.  Activities.  Always busy.  Always doing.  There's a value in free time too.  If you feel busied, harried and hectic by all of the bullshit going on in your family's life - I bet your kids feel it too.  They could be craving a less structured life too.  A balance.

Something worth examining, especially with apps like Shuddle coming down the road.






Let the school soirees start, and the parent shaming begin

Tuesday, October 28, 2014


"With a parent, it's always guilt. You want to be there, but you kind of also want to be here."

                                                                                                  - Heather Locklear





Tis' the season for school parties.  So far - we've received invitations for a pumpkin themed luncheon, Fall festivities, Thanksgiving concerts (followed by a lunch), Mystery Readers and Christmas parties.  And don't forget teacher conferences!!  Sound familiar?

 I have 2 kids in the same pre-school, but in different classes.  If you add that up - that's 6 events times 2 = 12 fucking functions where my presence is expected.  That's 12 in just 3 months.

And on the e-mails and newsletters, this is what I've read:

"At least one parent or family member needs to be present with your child."

"Parents - it really means a lot to your child if you're there."

"If you can't attend with your child, please plan on keeping them home from school that day."

What the fuck is going on here?

First, I pay for pre-school.  I pay these people to nurture and teach my children 4 days a week, for 4 hours a day so I can work, exercise, do laundry, run errands, scratch my ass and get a fuckin' hair cut.  I don't neeeeeedddd to do anything in the form of non-emergency class functions.

Mothers are constantly nurturing.  We nurture at home, we nurture at work.  We are sending our kids to school, because it's good for them, and let's be real - we need a break.  However that break takes form (working, volunteering, domestic duties, training for a marathon, sitting on our asses, spa days), is our own business.  We shouldn't be made to feel guilty, for not showing up to class functions during those precious school hours.  Those hours are sacred, just like nap time.  Those hours are holier than thou.  Give us the damn break we are paying you to give us.

Third, these class parties with their parental expectations are holding back the working mothers.

I've worked flexible hours since my children were babies.  I'm thankful for that.  But, because I chose flexible jobs - my professional life has suffered.  Most women leave the workplace after babies all together, or they choose flexible jobs.  In the end, we don't end up climbing the ladder as fast as men and don't make as much money.  So for many of us moms who chose to work a paid job, the only time we CAN work is when our kids are in school.  Is my earning potential going to suffer because I'm expected to be at 5-million kiddie functions during MY work hours, and my KID'S school hours?  You're damn right it will suffer if I RSVP 'Yes' to all this shit.

And lastly, telling the kids in the classroom that all of the parents are invited to these parties - sets me up for disaster.  My children do understand that mommy and daddy work.  They get it.  But, to have to explain to them that I can't take time off to go to their party this week, or that day, is heart-breaking.  Here, the teachers have built them up for this great party, and your mommy and daddy are coming - and BOOM, it blows up.  Because news flash folks, a lot of parents can't just take random days off work that aren't justified by sickness.  And even taking sick days for your kids is a battle - you're better off telling your boss that you are the one that's sick.  Because then, at least you won't get parent shamed by your boss.

I can't even imagine how a single parent in a similar situation must feel.

Us parents feel guilty enough every damn day.  We always feel the push pull of - we need to be doing more with our kids, spending more time - but the truth is - CARETAKING TIME don't pay the bills.  You are not compensated for caretaking.  Mothering, in our society is considered a gift.  A freebie. And until that changes, we're forced to make choices, and strike a balance in our family life, that's right for all involved, financially and emotionally.

My child's Fall Party starts in 50 minutes, from right now.  I've already put in my RSVP.  And it's 'No.'  She may be the only child in her class right now that has an absent parent today.  I don't know what damage it will do to her.  But, I do know, I'm there for her.  I'm there for her in a way I see fit. I'm there for her in ways that I deem important. If that sounds selfish, I don't give a fuck.  It could be more damaging, showing my child that I am THERE FOR HER EVERYTHING.  She could think my whole life revolves around her.  And it doesn't.  That's just the truth.

And I cry.  Because that's what this society has done to women.  Shame them, for wanting to grab a piece of success and profitability.  Shamed them for ambition.  Shamed them for sometimes, and I repeat sometimes putting their kids second.

I may not make a whole lotta moo-la from this writing gig I got going on.  And I may not have a boss - other than me (and my bank account).  But, I'm building something here.  I'm building a livelihood.  I'm building a name.  It's all part of the process of getting myself rehabed and primed for the next stage of my life.

Why can't the preschool my kids attend, see the value in that?

Little Princesses say FUCK THAT for FEMINISM

Thursday, October 23, 2014


Potty-Mouthed Princesses Drop F-Bombs for Feminism by FCKH8.com from FCKH8.com on Vimeo.

You already know I'm ga-ga over this video.  I couldn't get enough of it.  First, I have a love affair with the word FUCK. Second, I have a love affair with the other F-word, FEMINISM.  And third, I love little girls that say FUCK (just check out my previous post about kids using the F-bomb here.)

Let's dissect this video a bit, shall we?  I want to first address the profanity of it all, then I'll get to the content.

Some would argue that little girls saying 'fuck' would be a turn off.  They would say their potty mouths make them sound uneducated, therefore, defeating the message of feminism. Can most people's ears handle the sounds of little girls, in their squeeky, sing songy voices, say 'fuck'?  Does it mean you are higher class if you are intolerant of swearing?  Is swearing against all social rules?  Does swearing mean you're stupid?

It's exactly the opposite according to author Melissa Mohr, who researched the use of naughty language and traced it back to the Romans in her book titled, Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing.

Mohr found that "social strivers" tend not to swear much - or usually middle class people.  It goes back to the Victorian era idea that if you control your language - it indicates you are a proper, good person, and is a sign of morality.

High class people tend to swear more, because they believe they've already achieved status, and they don't give a FUCK. Pun intended.

However, I know a lot of immoral people with immoral thoughts that don't swear.  Think of all of those bible loving preachers that were eventually found out to be frauds, drug addicts and molestors.  So the notion that cussers are less classy or have lower moral standards is ridiculous.

Using FUCK does not mean you have lazy language skills, and are stupid.  If anything, it means your smarter. Swearing helps you bond with others (you swear around people you are most comfortable with, right?) and it is used to convey emotions.  The most sophisticated language in the world is not adequately able to express emotion like the word FUCK.  If you accidentally stub your toe, or hit your finger with a hammer - you're gonna scream a swear word.  Swearing shows some people's ability to convey their emotions properly.  The people who use swear words as an insult are also smart - because they know that FUCK can evoke deep emotions in another human being.

As much as I could talk about the beauty of 'fuck' all day, I'm onto the other F-word - Feminism.

I can't think of a smarter, more efficient way, of getting this content across to the world.  The producers of this video FCKH8.com are extremely talented.  This wasn't some off the cuff idea like- "Hey, let's record a bunch of little girls swearing so it goes viral!"

This video and it's message were more carefully calculated.  The producers knew it would create controversy.  But, they also knew, that FUCK is a powerful word - and there's no better way to get the conversation started than having our youngest generation (who will soon, if not already be effected negatively by inequality) stand up, and speak out.  By those girls saying those words, FUCK, RAPE, INEQUALITY - they learned what it meant.  They learned about the struggle of girls and women.

I actually propose that this video be shown to girls and boys in middle schools across the country.  I'm serious! No one ever talked to me about feminism, rape or inequality in school  Sure, we went to sex ed class - but that was about periods, and our parents boning.  It wasn't about the real issues.

Saying FUCK in the name of FEMINISM is the most empowering way to evoke emotion in people.  It may actually start to get people concerned about the issues facing women today.  The women's movement is far from over (hint, hint youngin's out there)- we need to keep moving towards equal rights.  Several women of my generation  think just because they can work a job that a man can, and vote, that the work is done.  Have they ever looked above them?  Who's their boss?  Who's their boss' boss?  I bet it's a man.  I bet it's a man sitting on a fat paycheck.  Have they ever tried to raise a child on a very typical maternity leave salary?  Have they ever tried to climb the corporate ladder while working a double shift at home - doing the cooking, the laundry, the child-rearing, etc? We don't get the same pay, same benefits and same status as men.

Women's work is far from over.  And the groundwork can start with our young girls and young boys.  Let's encourage all of our young girls and boys to stand up, speak out and say FUCK THAT to FEMININE INEQUALITY.





10 Reasons why Being a Mom in my Twenties is Awesome

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


{**Note - the above image is a joke! I'm not a young mom asshole. }

I tend to complain a lot about what having children young has robbed me of: potential income, my tenure track and my youthful body.

While I was knee-deep in baby poop and formula – my friends were knee-deep in their careers, climbing the success ladders.

While I was at those dreadful mommy and me classes, my friends were taking extra education classes.

While I was on playdates, my friends were on playdates – WITH ADULTS ONLY.  And alcohol.

While I was surviving on 3 hours of sleep, my friends were sleeping in ‘til 11AM on Sundays and going to brunch.

As I approach my 30th birthday, I realize how awesome it’s been to be a mom in my twenties.

Here’s my top 10 reasons why being a twenty-something mother is great.

1. I’m always the youngest mom at school functions. Orientation, bake sales, concerts, you name it, I’m the youngin’.  P.S. I’m also the youngest mom at playdates.

2. I was a child not too long ago, I can empathize with child-like emotions.  (I may or may not still throw temper tantrums when I don’t get my way).

3. I won’t be retiring, buying my kid’s first car, and paying for college all at the same time.

4. There’s a chance my kids will want to snatch my clothes out of my closet (if I still dress as cool as I do now).  Because I have girls, this thrills me!  Every mom loves a mini me.

5. There’s a big chance we won’t have a female hormonal explosion in my house.  By this, I mean, I won’t be going through menopause while my girls are getting their pubescent periods.

6. Their guy friends in high school might think I’m hot.  And I’m totally okay with that – because I need an ego boost any way I can get it.

7. My kids, might dare I say, think I’m cool and actually want to hang out with me when they’re teenagers. This one is far-fetched I know.  But, it’s definitely possible.

8. My kids will feel that they can open up to me more about their issues.  I think it’s harder for kids to open up to older parents because they feel there is a huge disconnect.

9. Assuming all parties are healthy, my kids will get to spend more time with me on this earth.  And with their grandparents.

10. Remember those friends that enjoyed kid-free, care-free lives while I was dying from sleep deprivation?  They’ll be calling me to complain about diapers, teething, soccer practices and school in about 10 years.  And I’ll be sitting in my quiet house, phone in one hand, wine in the other, with a smile on my face.

"The Real Drama Queens of Preschool"

Tuesday, October 21, 2014



It's a new show on Bravo, haven't you heard?

Wanna know who's starring in it?  Nope, not the pre-schoolers themselves.  The parents of preschoolers are! The premise is that they all get over-involved in their preschooler's lives - therefore, creating drama filled days for themselves.

*************************************Scene 1************************************

The mother of a little girl that goes to the same preschool as my daughter, texts me at 9:30PM.

Here's her message verbatim: *names have been changed to protect the sort-of-privacy

"Hey Stranger. How are you? Do you think we can plan a playdate for the girls sometime soon? Susie cried for 20 mins tonight saying Mary [my kid] doesn't want to be her friend anymore and she misses her and it makes her really sad. Broke my heart :-( Thought maybe if we got them together it might help."

*************************************End of Scene 1*****************************

Synopsis:

There are so many things wrong with this mother's approach, I don't even know where to begin.

First, if my child was telling your child that she didn't want to be her friend, and it made her CRY for that friggin long - doesn't that warrant a phone call?  During like, daylight hours?  Not a text at 9:30PM.

Second, don't text me at 9:30PM unless you are near dead. You don't know my life. The only people allowed to text me at 9:30PM are my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband, my sister and my bestie.  That's it.

Third, getting the girls together after my kid allegedly verbally attacked your kid is probably the wrong thing to do. Does she want to send her kid in for more emotional floggings? That's not how you support a child that feels emotionally attacked by another human being.

**********************************Scene 2**************************************

I'm staring at my cup of chamomile tea. I'm staring at my phone. Smoke is coming out of my ears. Well, bedtime is shot to hell.  I am fuming that this mother texted me right before my damn bedtime to tell me this shit.  I am fuming that my daughter may be a little bitch.  I am pissed off, that her daughter may be overly sensitive (I'll get to that in a minute).  Then I think, maybe this mom is just trying to guilt me into a very overdue playdate?

*******************************End of Scene 2************************************

Synopsis:

Listen, I definitely didn't take my kid's side right off the bat.  There is a real possibility that my girl is a "mean girl".  She has my DNA after all.  She's seen enough crappy Disney cat-fighty cartoons.  She's got older girl cousins.

But, I can only go by the very rational facts here.  She's never been accused of this type of behavior before.  I've never observed her do it (even to her little sister).  And certainly, if "mean girl" behavior was actually happening at school, don't you think the teachers would've contacted me about the problem?

********************************Scene 3***************************************
Instead of responding to the tacky, over the top text - I do 2 things

First, I email my child's teacher.  I ask her if she's observed any "mean girl" or "un-friending" behavior/conversations on my child's part.  And if so, does it warrant a meeting to discuss?

The teacher promptly wrote back early the next morning, with "No, I haven't observed 'Mary' engaging in that type of behavior - and if I do I will promptly let you know."

Boom, done.

Now, on to my child.  I tread very lightly with her, prying information out as discreetly as possible.  I'm careful to not suggest anything, or implant thoughts/words in her mind/mouth.

Me: "How's Susie doing?"

Her: "Good."

Me: "Have you been playing a lot with her lately?"

Her: "Yeah, she got a pretty new bow and her nails painted."

Me: "Oh, that's nice."

Her:" Buuuuuuuttt... Umm, she, um, she doesn't like when I play with other friends."

Me: "What do you mean? It's good to make lots of friends?"

Her: "Yes, I'm Susie's best friend, but she doesn't like it when I'm with other friends, she won't play with us."

*********************************End of Scene 3***********************************

Synposis:

Okay, so I don't totally believe one side or the other side of this cat-fight she-said, she-said crap.  I'm not sure what the truth actually is.  But, I know a few things.

Kids can be overly-sensitive.

Kids are learning how to communicate their emotions (just like adults), and often times - they don't do a great job.

So, armed with all of this information - yes, you're damn straight I think the other child is an overly-sensitive pain in the preschool ass.

More importantly, so is her mother.

She's a Drama Queen.  And an ill-mannered drama queen to boot.

Even more cause for concern -if my own 4-year old child was crying for 20 minutes over a "friend issue", um....I would need to do some serious investigating.  Like perhaps, whip out the thermometer-see if my kid has a fever.  Check her body for bruises or signs of abuse to see if she's been hurt.  Talk to her in depth about her feelings.

It all just seems like too damn much.  Just too damn much. This episode of real drama queens - that is now my life, feels more insufferable than Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

I'm pissed at myself that I felt dragged into this dramatic situation and felt compelled to write a very polite 'fuck you' email to this mother at 7AM.

*******************************Director's Notes***********************************

If you're wondering about the contents of said email - I basically tried to school this mother about appropriate modes of communication (you tailor your communication based on the seriousness or tone of the situation).  I suggested if the alleged unfriendly comments were that big of an issue - she too, should reach out to the class teacher.  And I concluded with - kids are EMOTIONAL, they're navigating the social world the best they can - unless my kid is truly verbally attacking your child or is physically abusive, or dare I use the cliche' term - 'bullying' your child - I don't wanna fuckin' hear it.  Just leave me out of your drama.

Was my email a little dramatic?  You may think so.  But, at least someone had the sense to crown me with common sense too.

*******************************Credits******************************************

Here's what you do to cope with Preschool Drama: (via PopSugar)

1. Leave your own baggage out of it.  That's right, parent, your own shit. Out.

2. Ask questions and listen.  You'll probably find out the whole thing is just a misunderstanding.

3. Remind your child that they don't have to be friends with everyone.

4. Suggest friends outside of school. If there are children your kid likes outside of school - encourage playdates with those children.

5. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.  Before you go yanking your kid out of school - make sure the situation is big as your child is making it out to be.

6. Read about it - like you are now.

7. Talk to the teachers.  They are your eyes and ears - they'll be able to tell you if there's a concern.

8. Volunteer in the classroom. That way, you can get a sense of the interactions yourself, first hand.

9. Role play with your child.  Pretend to be the mean girl, and practice appropriate responses or actions for your child.

10. If your child is the mean girl - explain how she's hurting others.




Fear-bola has turned me into a Friggin' Lunatic

Monday, October 20, 2014




Ebola is freaking me the frigg out.

So is Enterovirus, or EV-D68, or Enterovirus D68, or whatever the virus is called.

For the first time EVER, I bought hand sanitizer to keep in my purse, several hand soap refills at Target and disinfecting wipes for each of the 3 bathrooms in my house.

This is way over the top for me given the fact that I've been known to let my kids eat, yes eat, without washing their hands first, pretty much all of the time. (A habit, or non-habit that totally grosses my husband out).

I've never carried hand sanitizer in my purse.

My stock pile of fine hand soaps under my kitchen sink looks like I'm preparing for biological warfare.

But it's not so much the germ-fighting supplies I bought that's alarming - it's my down-right, bat-shit crazy behavior that's a cause for concern.  And probably needs a diagnosis of it's own.  Dare I self-label myself, a germaphobe?

My 3-year old has been sick for going on 3 weeks here - with various symptoms.

Week 1: Toddler has uncontrollable diarrhea.

I literally can't stop the poop.  She must've let it rip 8 times a day, for 8 days straight.  I was doing everything - Pedialyte Pops, Pedialyte drinks, probiotics, Emergen-C, cheerios, bananas, apples.  I brought her to the doctor on the 7th day of said poop-athon.  The doctor recommended I bring in a stool sample to be tested. Fine done.  A week later, I get a call from one of the nurses that my daughter's submitted stool sample somehow got contaminated and was not able to be tested.

I freaked out on this woman.

I'm like, "When did you know this?"  "Why didn't someone call me, to notify me, I would've brought you a new stool sample, right away?" "Who's accountable?" "How did it get contaminated?" "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?" "What if this is something SERIOUS?"

Nurse: " Ma'am, it's probably just a stomach virus, let us know if it doesn't clear up in a couple of days or she gets a fever."

Me: "Well, it would help to know which virus it is, now wouldn't it, especially because there's a bunch of freaky ones floating around! Thanks for nothing!" (Hangs up phone).

Ugh.  I'm embarrassed by the Entero-Ebola hysterics of the whole situation.

Three days later, I rush the same kid, my 3-year old to the hospital at 1AM.  She's got a cough, and she seemingly can't breathe well.  She is diagnosed with Croup.  At which point the doctor says she'll need some steroids to get the swelling of her vocal chords to go down.

I'm asking the highly trained doctor, " Are you sure this is Croup?  She had diarrhea just days before - are you sure the two aren't related and this is a different illness?

Doctor: "She has Croup, I'm confident it's nothing else."

Me: "Okay, this may sound crazy, but it's not looking like Enterovirus at all, right?"

Doctor: "No, not at all."

I feel crazy even writing this.  It doesn't even sound like me.  I mean clearly, my daughter had that signature barking seal, Croupy-cough.  Anyone could hear that.  It's not like I'm some stranger to Croup.  But, for whatever fear-based reason, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, that there's a chance this is something else.  What if I don't catch it in time?  What if I don't prevent something horrible from happening?

Three days after hospital freak out.  I bring my daughter to the pediatrician for a post hospital check up.

As my luck would have it - my daughter's normal pediatrician is out for the day.  Instead, we see a doctor - who acts like a one man circus show.  He says it's to help ease the anxiety for the child.

I'm like, duuuuudddeee you are freaking me the f*%# out.

So he flies through the exam - and says maybe she's got Strep now.  Okay fine, Strep, Croup, Diarrhea.  I'm thinking, Whaaatttttt else?!!!!  How could it be all of these at once?

Again, I hit this clowny doctor with my questions like bullets, "Are you sure it's Croup?  And it's not Entero- whatever the heck?  And certainly not Ebola?"

Doctor: "Well, has anyone traveled outside the country in your house?"

Me: "No."

Doctor: "Well, then no."

We leave, I get all the way down to my car, and realize that circus clown doctor forgot to check my daughter's breathing with a stethoscope.  Apparently I was so entranced (disgusted) by his tornado of tricks, that I didn't realize he skipped the stethoscope routine.

So I marched back up to the doctor's office even though they were now closed.  I caught the receptionist locking up the door and I demanded that the doctor re-check my child.

Every single person in that office, looked at me, like I was the freak-show.

But, I'm like, "I can't go through the weekend like this, not knowing for sure."

The doctor listened to my daughter's breathing, and said, he couldn't hear any respiratory distress or wheezing.  We're good to go.  And he added, "I diagnosed a 4-month old with Enterovirus last week, and she did just fine with it."

Wait, what, people survive Enterovirus?

Apparently, people can survive Ebola too.

So no, I won't be buying medical masks or haz-mat suits anytime soon.  I have to remind myself, that it's Fall in pre-school.  Those classrooms are germ cesspools - with their coughing kids, snot-nosed students and sneezies.

I need to get back to a real threat, a real fear- like the friggin flu - now that thing you gotta watch out for.




Shouldn't companies be making it easier to have children, rather than delay it? The Corporate Egg Freezing Frenzy

Friday, October 17, 2014



I would like to applaud Facebook and Apple for offering Egg Freezing to their female employees.  In an effort to compete for top talented women - the tech companies are the first ever to offer to pay for the procedure.

This is huge because, a) talented, college educated women are dropping out of the workforce in droves - feeling they have to choose between family and career. b) more women are waiting to have children knowing that if they have kids during their career climbing years (usually their 20's) - they could be thrown off the tenure track, c) certain medical conditions or cancers can cause infertility in women- and it's nice to have the option if gawd forbid a woman should fall ill for a period of time d) the costs of freezing your eggs are insane.

About $10,000 to go through the egg freezing cycle.  This includes testing, monitoring, etc.  Storage of the eggs will run you about $500/year.  Then if you wanna thaw those suckers - $5,000 to get crackin'.

So what's my issue with this whole thing?  Cuz you know I'm going to get all acerbic about this topic.

My first issue is- I hope the women that decide to freeze their eggs are well informed.  Even if you freeze your eggs - there are no gaurantees that it will actually work when you are ready to have a baby.  Egg freezing can be compared to your insurance policies, it's good to have, but when it's time to use it- it might not come through for you the way you expect or want it to.  There are factors to consider - YOUR body, the sperm of your future partner or donor, the success rate of IVF, etc.  Just because you freeze your eggs doesn't mean you're gonna have a baby.

Beyond these medical considerations - there are the emotional considerations.  Will you have a life partner or husband when you feel ready to thaw your eggs and have a baby?  Will you want to possibly raise a baby on your own?  Will you be okay with the hormones you have to pump in you before the egg freezing frenzy begins?

Now - because I'm an ungrateful, bitter bitch about this whole thing - FUCK YOU VERY MUCH FOR FREEZING MY EGGS FOR ME, FOR FREE!!

By this I mean, shouldn't companies start supporting families/parents instead of encouraging women to put off family?

I didn't grow up in some 1950's household - I was encouraged to get an education and get a good job.  I literally stumbled upon married life - and parenting in my young twenties.  I tell you all of the time, dear reader - I'm still jilted.  But now that I'm here, in parenthood, I see the huge shortfalls in our society when it comes to supporting American families.

The thinking of corporate America is ass-backwards.  Society and corporations think the solution to keeping women in the workforce - is to offer them free egg freezing?!  We're encouraging women to wait to have children?! This is the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard - because it's like - has no one heard of a biological clock?  As women's bodies age - our fertility decreases, our ability to carry a pregnancy to term without complications decreases, and the chances of having a baby with birth defects rises.  Egg freezing does not totally solve these problems.  So why, in gawd's creation would you purposely put off pregnancy?  I know why, because that was my plan.  That was my career plan - OPERATION- DON'T GET PREGNANT. Only my plan to put off having a baby, wasn't hatched.  A baby (or 2) was instead.

As disgusting as you may think this is - women's bodies are perfectly ripe for pregnancy from age 16ish to 30ish.  I agree, it probably wouldn't be awesome to get knocked up at 16.  Teen mothers have it really fucking hard.  So there you go - your window just got shorter by 4 years.  That's your window for optimal pregnancy and child bearing 20-30 years old.

So INSTEAD OF ...supporting women's (and men's) decision to have children when they're ready (biologically, emotionally and financially), and creating the most family friendly work environment possible with daycare and flexibility perks - these companies are offering fertility perks.

It's such a sign that our priorities when it comes to supporting American families are fucked up.  Maybe companies should take a lesson from Google.  They offer paid maternity leave for 18 weeks (plus paternity leave), they offer baby bucks (money to offset costs of diapers and formula for new parents), onsite FREE daycare, and a slew of other family-oriented benefits and perks.

If companies really valued a woman - they'd make it easier for her to actually have kids, not easier for her to delay it.

Like me on Facebook because apparently I joined when it was becoming less popular as evidenced by my lack of likes.  Although I have to say - I post some damn good articles about women and family life.  Twitter is my shit - so follow me there for snarky, inappropriate humor all day long.

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